Adding Value to Random Crap
Woot.com: Proof that by knowing your audience, you can get people to buy a bag of random surplus junk and pay for shipping.
Tired of clicking all over the web looking for the lowest price on the finest merchandise with the best features from the most reliable retailers? Give your inner Consumers’ Reporter a break by indulging in a purchase that no one would mistake for a good deal: another one of Woot’s famous Bags o’ Crap.
Hey, when this crap arrives at your house, grouse ye not that ye’ve been had. We’re admonishing you in all caps that what we’ve got here is crap. Look:
CAVEAT EMPTOR, SUCKERS!
THIS ITEM CONSISTS OF ONE BAG WITH —OH, LET’S SAY ABOUT THREE PIECES OF CRAP INSIDE.
IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE CRAPS FOR YOUR BAG, IT IS REALLY NOT COST-EFFECTIVE.
BUT DON’T LET US TELL YOU HOW TO WASTE YOUR MONEY. AFTER ALL, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO BUYS THIS CRAP.
“How,” you ask yourself, “am I supposed to derive happiness from crap?” Well, allow us to suggest some guidelines—think of them as Chicken Soup for the Crap-Encumbered Soul :
01. Disappointment is the result of unmet expectations. You can’t control what kind of crap you get in this bag, but you can certainly decline to expect GOOD crap. Hope is the enemy of satisfaction. Suppress it.
02. The crap that some other people get in their bags will almost certainly be less crappy than the crap you get in yours. That’s just the way it goes. Before you get too kvetchy about it, evaluate the grievance: It’s not like you’re being detained without trial in Guantanamo; you’re just unhappy with a discretionary purchase that was clearly labeled “crap.” In the hierarchy of injustices, this is not a biggie.
…
05. Finally: don’t obsess about the crap so much that you forget the bag. “That’s a sweet bag!” you should say to yourself. “That’s totally worth the price all by itself.” Then, when you open your new bag, you can regard its contents with the disdain they deserve. Who put this crap in your sweet new bag? You don’t want this crap. Why would you? It’s crappy.
Sold out, by the way.
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The crap bags always sell out, on contact. You beat me to it, I was gonna blog on this but didn’t get around to it. Ain’t human nature grand?
Also, while I’m on the “line”, I am going to be putting together a podcast covering IP/Copyright. I would be interested in having you on that program. Would you be interested in participating? Feel free to email me directly if you don’t want to hash this out in your comments box.
Comment by Effern — 28 January 2005 @ 14:40