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In this opinion, Macomb County, Michigan Circuit Court Judge Deborah A. Servitto granted Eminem’s motion for summary disposition of a suit arising from the lyrics to “Brain Damage,” track 4 on The Slim Shady LP. They describe a beating administered in junior high school by “this fat kid named D’Angelo Bailey.” Said fat kid filed suit, alleging defamation. He lost. But that’s not the amusing part.

The judge in the case penned the following “to convey the Court’s opinion to fans of rap.” It has a sort of old-school Grandmaster Flash feel to it. If Grandmaster Flash had (1) a law degree and (2) less talent. Anyway, here’s the text of Footnote 11 (sure to surpass Footnote Four from Carolene Products as the most famous and oft-cited footnote in a judicial opinion, no?):

Mr. Bailey complains that his rep is trash
So he’s seeking compensation in the form of cash
Bailey thinks he’s entitled to some monetary gain
Because Eminem used his name in vain

Eminem says Bailey used to throw him around
Beat him up in the john, shove his face in the ground
Eminem contends that his rap is protected
By the rights guaranteed by the first amendment

Eminem maintains that the story is true
And that Bailey beat him black and blue
In the alternative he states that the story is phony
And a reasonable person would think it’s baloney

The Court must always balance the rights
Of a defendant and one placed in a false light
If the plaintiff presents no question of fact
To dismiss is the only acceptable act

If the language used is anything but pleasin’
It must be highly objectionable to a person of reason
Even if objectionable and causing offense
Self-help is the first line of defense

Yet when Bailey actually spoke to the press
What do you think he didn’t address?
Those false light charges that so disturbed
Promped from Bailey not a single word

So highly objectionable, it could not be
– Bailey was happy to hear his name on a CD

Bailey also admitted he was a bully in youth
Which makes what Marshall said substantial truth
This doctrine is a defense well known
And renders Bailey’s case substantially blown

The lyrics are stories no one would take as fact
They’re an exaggeration of a childish act
Any reasonable person could clearly see
That the lyrics could only be hyperbole

It is therefore this Court’s ultimate position
That Eminem is entitled to summary disposition.